The Next Big Thing

Wednesday 22nd Sept.

A week ago this very noo, I was headin’ for Glasgow Airport and ultimately Kassel in Germany. It’s been a woolly old week alright and I think a damn fine time (with one exception) was had by all. However my campaign agin the Buzzcocks garnered a whole mess of new members so it’s an ill wind chillun. But anyway, It was a long day and Michael, my designated driver, made the white knuckle ride from Frankfurt to Kassel look like a doddle. Hard driving rain and big F-off articulated lorries don’t phase that guy and we made it to the K-town limits in one piece. So many trucks, so much stuff. What could anybody do with so much stuff?? I have a theory that they’re empty. These things just cruise the autobahn looking to intimidate other driver. Happily they’d met their match this time. So it was late, spent a long time getting there so what’s the obvious thing to do? Go to the opening shindig of course. Having said that, I wasn’t there long and turned in to conserve the ol’ energies for the following days. Unfortunately, I missed Sedlmeir, the one-man rockin’ ensemble that serenaded the opening party. I heard his cd a couple days later and it sounded damn good, wish I hadn’t been such a wuss but, at my age you gotta make these kinda calls and sometimes they’ll be wrong.

Thursday 23rd Sept.

Up early and straight into the first of a few days of fine breakfasting. Weather sucked but when daylight hit Kassel it came up looking like a pretty nice place. I believe unemployment is high there but the vibe I got was of a fairly quiet town. Didn’t see roaming gangs strung out on alcopops, even at night. Hooked up my old buddy Kalle and his wife Ulli and took the tram down to the vicinity of the venue. It was pissing rain again but I’d already been out for a reccy so had some kinda beat as to the layout. The opening item was a screening of some Super 8 movies which wasn’t too exciting but I met a guy who was as daft about The Sopranos as I am and who was also a Larry David fan. That's what y' call bonding First of the talks was on Slovenian Punk by Igor BIGor Basin. As a complete newcomer, it was a real blast to learn about what had been going on out there. The GDR punk discussion which followed indicted that when I use the expression “suffering from my art”, I have no fucking idea. These people risked their all for this “art”. For expression. One of the panellists (Henryk Gericke) would, the next day, trump what was possibly the “bill-topper” for the event but we’ll get to that in due course. To round off the discussions, the Teenage Kicks panel may not have included any “actual” teenagers but the people on board were a damn sight more spirited than most youngsters I come across these days. It included Mark Perry, Marlene Marner, Dick Hebdige, Andy Shernoff, Marty Thau and Cheetah (effing) Chrome and it was good knockabout stuff with an informative subtext. These kind of talking shops are sometimes like pulling teeth but this wasn’t. The Caricatura venue was very conducive to the event. The “entertainment” that night was top notch pretty much but not all of the way. The Lolita Bar is a great Cavern-like venue with pretty decent sightlines to a fair way back. DJ action was taken care of by Kalle and Stefan (one of the organisers) and they kept the whole thing rolling. This was perhaps the first time I ever heard The Twinkeyz “Aliens In Our Midst” outside of my house. Slovenian combo CZD were like The Hellacopers jammin’ with The Monks. A cattle prod and a half and quite unlike anything I’m aware of that’s doing the rounds, this is world music as far as I’m concerned. If they could get to Glastonbury or onto Jools Holland or something they’d cause quite the stir. I’m gonna be watching this phenomenon closely and lighting the fuse any way I can. Like wise THE BOONARAAAS, I’m not sure how anybody could have followed CZD but these Dusseldorf lassies did and in no uncertain fashion. Visually, musically and aesthetically deserving to go the whole road. My new favourite band!!… The worst came last. S.Y.P.H. might be “influential” but that doesn’t necessarily translate as good. Flashes of bearable cinematic mood music were drowned in senses numbing doldrums rawk. The last straw was them breaking into a cod-funk number ala Level 42. Some well intentione soul mentioned The Average White Band but that was merely wishful thinking. Time then to hit the Action Strasses’ of Kassel night with my old mucker and onetime deid laddie, Cheetah F’n Chrome waxing about how great Alex Harvey was and remains to be.

Friday 24th September

A quiet start to proceedings today with a talk by Sezgin Boynik about Situationist hijinks with regard to this punk thing. It was somewhat above my napper but fairly enlightening. This kind of angle isn’t something that I’ve given much thought to over the years because I always saw McLaren as a kind of Monty Python character. I generally subscribe to the bad situationist ethos, because I’m quite often in those. However, compared to what some of our Eastern European friends have been through then I have exactly feck all to whine about. Dick Hebdige followed with an excellent presentation that started out with Hank Williams and ploughed on from there. Hebdige is a great performer and a total music fan. He’s also a swell bloke to have a pint with. Then came McLaren, he made it after numerous will he, won’t he type stories on the bush telegraph. His schtick is like sit down comedy. His talk of “failure” is a well-oiled schlepp punctuated with visuals and by the time he gets to his mash ups then it was all getting a little ho-hum. The highpoint was just before he went up to the mic though. Henryk played Andy Cameron’s “Ah Want tae be a Punk Rocker (But my Mammy willnae let me)”. Strangely fitting and a better prank than the man was capable of pulling himself. T’was then time for some record shopping though, prior to eating and taking in the show for that night. I had high hopes for Boy From Brazil but it was soon dashed. He was bloody woeful and he looked like a pranny to boot. Imagine Paul Gray from Eddie and the Hot Rods done up like something from The Matrix. A good look, NOT! Alan Vega, Cramps and even Fleshtone tomb raider without a hint of irony. I actually wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen and heard it myself. The blurb in the programme read like this should be completely my kind of thing but there were some porkies going down there. Liked his reworking of the J.Geils “Centrefold” video in the background though. Tokyo Sex Destruction are from Spain and are kinda like Zen Guerilla via The Hives. Their well intentioned racket strained to come across in the large room but they were great compared to the fella who came from Brazil but actually hailed from Berlin and dressed up like a Dr Who villain rather than some wild and crazy rock bloke. The Kids, I found out from Stewart Home who was dying to see them, were Belgium’s premier Punk combo in their day. They sounded like Status Quo and reminded me a wee bit of Sator without having an ounce of those Swedish fellas chops but they weren’t bad. I left when the Buzzcocks came on because I hate them. Always have and always will. I reckon a few converts joined that cause tonight, that’s all I’m gonna say… I hope they make enough money to just piss off and never be seen again.

Saturday 25th September

The rain finally went off and I went out early and visited the Glitterhouse place just around from the hotel. Found a couple of things including a Primevals split 45 I’d never seen before. Anyway, this was my panel day. “So you Wanna Be A Rock’n’Roll Critic”. Not sure what I know about that but as anybody will know I can be up for a bit of slavering if the need arises. Especially if it means joining the man who started me off in all this, the one and only Andy Shernoff with Joachim Hiller from Ox Magazine moderating. I hope that it was at least entertaining for the people who attended, it was certainly fun to do. After that it was Kalle’s “From The Trashcan to The Electric Circus” talk. This guy knows where it was, is and is going – despite his protestations about not knowing about the new stuff. He instinctively knows what’s right and wrong and I’d trust his say-so 110%. Directly after that was the screening of The Ramones “End Of The Century” doc which I sat out because it was packed and having seen it then the other attendees were far more deserving of a chance to clock it than me. Hanging with Ralf and (B)igor in the bar downstairs was a fine alternative. When the Ramones movie came out, I made a couple more new Slovenian friends and we retired to a local Chinese restaurant and shot the proverbial for a while. Bloody nice people. From there it was down to the final event, we thankfully missed Dean Dirg and Viva L’American Death Ray Music didn’t live up to their blurb. They weren’t bad but that kinda stylised Kings of Leon type hokum doesn’t float my boat at all. Next up was a revelation, ATV kicked some rollocking ass and really raised the bar. I wasn’t expecting this at all and duly got my backside kicked. They were tight in an utterly organic, sinewy way that I never considered their music before. Mark P is a great frontman and utterly charismatic up there just like he was on the panels and this band is as good as it gets. The perfect warm up for headliners, ROCKET FROM THE TOMBS. RFTT were immense in every way. When their unreleased recordings and eventual redux became available it was obvious that if they’d released an album “back in the day” then things may be very different now. The sun most definitely rose from there. This is as good as it ever gets and I hope that Europe might get another chance to see them at some point. And then it was over. A total success for the organisers and one in the eye for any detractors. These kids pulled it off over immeasurable odds. Hats require to be doffed.

Look out for two combos’- The Manly Men and Powernap. Coming to a hostelry near you soon hopefully. A big shout out to Mr Eggs who jumped in at the deep end with all this punk stuff and established a unique angle. And to Mr Craig Bell - how-wisthonextracoupladays-chief? It was a pleasure to raise a glass with all of 'em. It was a subdued vehicle that made its way to Frankfurt airport on Sunday morning. That one last breakfast put us over the edge. But what a breakfast!

Thanks then to Stefan, Ricarda and Matthias for a great event. Something that I'm pretty sure, couldn't happen in the UK. Investigate the names, etc via the KONGRESS website which provides links to artist websites, etc. It’s your one stop portal to a whole 'nother vista.