Report from The Ramonas front line by Murray R...

"Well, Joey coulda said this shorter, but when the ladies come onstage I've got Waster Chris moaning in one ear with Jaegermeister flowing in his blood and on a downer cause he's feeling OLD with the Missions nu-metal youngster crew after listening to big Ian's tales of seeing EVERYFECKINGONE at Clouds etc. back in the day. Luckily big Teuchters tipped us to the Ramonas onstage time at 12:30 so we dont have to spend too long turning into our parents (its too loud/its just a noise/wheres the tunes/in my day chips were tuppence a poke blah blah blah) and they hit the stage and I move away from the oldsters and closer to the front - its gig number 3 for me and the line up has changed but Cloey Ramona is more animated than if Walt Disney had decided to remake the Jacksons cartoon with the happy family.

Rhonny Ramona (who's had a Doctor Who type re-incarnation since the last time but still looks like a hot chick in a skimpy dress) smacks the plectrum in pure Johnny down strokes (its important, its necesary, next time some guitar wank is talking about technique or musicianship or some such shite, ask em if they can strum guitar for a whole gig without strumming up). Pee Pee Ramona is yelling the one two three fours and her skirt is riding high - that girls got balls.

Pulsating to the backbeat is Margy Ramona and it's as if she's been schooled by Tommy himself, she's never played drums before the Ramonas and she could teach Marc Bel (only one l in his real real name trivia fans - I'll not tell you what the girls at Erasmus called him) a thing or two. I've moved myself into the mellee and its Blitzkrieg Bop and Waster Chris comes on down and says "they're fucking AMAZING" and he's seen the Ramones often enough to know what he's talking about and I never saw the real thing until 85 but big Ian saw them at the Playhouse when the Exploited supported whenever that was (funnily enough Watties cousin is down the front tonight with her video camera)and he's ripping up his pension book and jumping like a loon.

My old schoolchum and total Ramonehead Axle steps out of oblivion whilst the girls beat on the brat (in case anyone thinks Axle is named after the bald guy from guns n poses I'd like to point out he's named after the cartoon of the boy with the cleaver and had the name first) and he's blown away by the Ramonas prime time attack - tonight its a short set (30 minutes plus encore) so its classics from the first 3 albums plus KKK and Sedated. They've got the schtick down and then some and are possessed by the spirit of the Ramones - I've seen a few cover bands but none of them (even the Cretins, who were fucking incredible on a good night) have come anywhere near as close as this to encompassing the spirit of the real thing.

I've got a cd in my pocket of the Ramones at the Barras in 91 to give to Cloey when she comes off stage but for some reason I dont bump into her. Truth is she doesnt need it, I shoulda brought her the video for "It's Alive" instead (which is stuck in pre-production hell at the moment, email Rhino and get em to get their airse in gear) but at the same time she doesnt need that either cause she's already more Joey when she's up there than Joey was. I dunno what the nu-metal kids make of it (I wish I'd been there to witness the gig at the under age Mission Jr earlier on in the night, I'm sure they woulda blown my mind at 16) but if they cant take some edumacation then feck 'em - poor taste doesn't last forever but tattoos do, so do like the girls do and swap your baseball bats for rolling pins and check out The Ramonas."

Been hearing and seeing reports these past few days about a campaign which will declare Scotland to be "the best small country in the world". Have you ever heard the like? They will put up posters at airports and train stations and convey this empty headed bollocks to visitors to our land. The natural reaction to such a claim would rightly be "my arse". As one who does his bit for local tourism, I actually find such a claim offensive. Whether it is or isn't is irrelevant and such activity is another of these lame duck responsibilities that our Scottish District Cooncil (Parliament) thrives on. So, prospective visitors - if you visit Kiltland, forgive such arrogance. It's not a competition and if you have pride in your place of origin then so be it. I personally don't and that's not likely to change when "Wee Jack" pulls a stunt like this. Sure, we have our strengths and those generally lie in a quiet desire to just get on with attempting to make it through the day.

So the lesson this Sunday is "Forgive them for they know not what they do, lest someone gives these pillocks a real job".

A wee burst of activity reported by individual Dictators... live album in July!